I'm blessed

I'm really glad that I got someone like Jessica to talk with about the issues I am going through. Even she is a mormon, but she has a really nice personality and empathy about my situation. She won't be just say "oh...so bad!" like most of the people. I dunno how to say, but just think that she really cares, that it. Thanks God for a friend like Jessica. I felt better after talking to her, I found acceptance from her I guess. It was God's blessing. (hehe I kept talking when we were studying for 362, I hope she is okay with that, ha)

You know like yesterday I was upset about "my failure in life", not having good grades, rejected for 2 scholarships, host mom is not coming for mom's weekend...PLUS haha, my clam chowder got eaten by my roomate and her finace!!

anyway, I just feel like if I talked to my parents, they will just like telling me what I should have done to make it to the scholarship, seems like they never understand I tried, but I'm just a normal person, I can't be the best in many things. I don't have excused of being lazy sometimes, but I'd rather be mentally healthy than stressful being the best.

Another things was about the food and nutrition club, I knew I didn't do as much as Flower did, but at least I contributed to the club. I don't really need to be glorified/honored about my contribution, but the IPO thought that I was not too involved or no leadership skills in any of the ERA I involved in. Ah...that's just a "bumpmer" that they did not even get an interview for making those decision. Maybe sb. really get 4.0 plus involved in many ERA and community service at the same time. My GPA is not bad, when you consider I took so many credits in a semester PLUS involvements in Church....I dun regret by doing that tho, taking classes like Spanish is fun for me anyways.

I just feel very frustrated about the real world!! Am I supposed to try very hard so to meet other's standard??? or actually God wants me to study hard too. I am really confused now. Like Amos, he is so smart and talented, and a good servant of God as well; he got everything!! Am I not getting any gifts from God?? What God wants me to do???? to be the one never be the number one, so to make others feel great about themselves??

God, please help me!! I need directions and confidence from you!!